DiMamasticated

Here is a cute FWD about Martha[old hag/felon] Vs. Maxine [old hag with sum wisdom]

• 
  Martha's Way* Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
  *Maxine's Way * Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
• 
  To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
  Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
• 
  When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
  Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.
• 
  If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
  If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"
• 
  Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
  Celery? Never heard of it!
• 
  Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish. The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
• 
  Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
  Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
  
• If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
  Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.
• 
  Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

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Now Mama Fusla's top 10 Tips:

1. When you get a paper cut on your hand , rub with a peeled potato, the starch will clog the cut and give instant relief, also you can have your pet lick it off.
2. To clean stains, sprinkle with sparkling water/Soda and apply some Baking Soda on it, let it sit for 20mins and then rinse. Baking Soda also removes unwanted odors from say Thermoses and Coolers. (Specially if they're new or had liquid sitting in them for a while)
3. In order to protect new pans, simmer with oil for a few hours to give extra coating (Allah e3afi Tefal.com)
4. If all you have is sneekers and you're stuck in a "Wet Situation", rub a candle wax on the air holes of the sneekers so the water will slide right off it. (dry feet guranteed but not stinky feet)
5. If you get stung by Jelly Fish, piss in a cup and use cotton balls to dab on it, otherwise Vinegar and Lemon work too but not as well. (If you're prone to Jelly Fish bites, rub a thick layer of Baby Oil Gel or Petoleum Jelly, I find Baby Johnsonn's Aloe Vera Gel to work best)
6. When Grilling Lobster, always dip in water 1st to keep from overcooking.
7. If you're grilling with wooden Skewers, dip in water 1st to prevent burning.
8. If you're on a diet and want to cut down on carbs, use Saj bread as oppose to soft Tortia because the Calorie count and Yeast level is lower. (Yeast retains water in the body making you look like a bouy)
9. If your cat acts up, play some Chopin or Mozart to calm them down.
10. When your baby acts up (or ur partner) rub their ear lobes gently with your index and thumb.

Reading Suggestion:

How to Clean Absolutely Everything: The Right Way, the Lazy Way and the Green Way

by Barty Phillips