Dumb Butlers-Dead Pets

There is so much going on, after endlessly trying to Feng Shui my room. I’ve decided to finally add the last element, a bloody pet, or two. Apparently live animals bring good luck to your living space, pairs of anything will bring good fortune to the relationship side of the room which is the SW corner as I recall.
So I went to Shaab theme park with my brothers and bought two gold fish: Cheech & Chong.

2 weeks later Chong passed away when I was out of the country, the forensics report indicates the following possible causes of fatality.
a. Overfed by butler
b. Infrared rays exposure [The fish bowl is situated on the desk between my bed and my desk, could the funky red light from the remote control has fried their brains as it made its way to the remote eye?]
c. Bordom from watching too much BBCfood
d. Bird Flu!!

2 weeks after that, cheech dies too.
So much luck for the personal relationship department baby! I’ve got 2 dead fish in less than a month, beat that for luck! Oh yeah, It’s raining men, hallelujah!

2 months before that I had given up my Pomeranian & Pekinese cos no 1 was spending enough times with them, if you can’t take care of a dog, its time to give em up, besides they were too hairy to be taken outside to the beach for ex.
I’m not into toy dogs anyways; I like a dog that is big, huggable, smart and fast! If I’ve learnt anything from the past 20 yrs in which I’ve had dogs, don’t ever ever buy a Pekinese, they’re dumb hamsters that think they’re dogs, bread to be stupid and slurpy and simple stinky! Don’t matter how many times you brush their teeth, heck..I even bought him puppy mentos from Harrods petstore! Silly dimwit he was, miss him though.

Anyways, should I buy the Doberman I had in mind or stick with the cat plan..the sphinx cat I always thought would make a great companion. But again, Doberman’s are sharp and god damn sexy! They way they sit, their attentiveness and loyalty to you!
Thanks to the straightpoop and others, I’ve got a bunch of amazing breeders in Europe, I just have to push the button on the Doberman and the plug on the Sphinx.

So what if it dies, it won’t be the 1st time I loose a dog..

1. My hound dog went blind, ramming every wall into the house before he had a heart attack. 2.The shitsu had a severe irritable bowl syndrome
3.The K9s, 1 rammed by a car and 1 shot by allies post gulf war [YOU BASTARDS!]
4.The Lab escaped and never came back..[He was oh so pretty, drove 3 hrs into English countryside to pick him up from Breeder, Champion Pedegree but dumb as hell]

I’m the professional murderer slash pet owner..
With a team of houseboys/butlers so skilled to the point of overfeeding the pets, Microwaving SUSHI! And putting a PERFUME BOTLLE IN THE FREEZER~[thinking it was a popsicle]
I say I have a great chance of killing my next puppy within the 1st month….